Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (August 25, 2025)

No one can tell you the “right” decision for your life. Each of us must make the best decisions we can with the available information knowing full well that more will be revealed and some decisions will have negative consequences.

This is where I am today. Having spent the evening in the hospital learning about my hernia, there are some important new factors to consider and the very real possibility that I need to cut this trip short — as in pack it up and go home despite all my plans and deepest desires.

Risk Factors to Consider

While there is no immediate “danger” and at present I’m not even in pain, all the medical professionals agree on one thing: I’m going to eventually need surgery. The trouble is, when and where to have the surgery and how proactive do I want or need to be around this option?

What I know for sure is that the surgery will “take me out” for about three months. The first month will be near bed-rest state as I need to give my body time to heal and the internal mesh time to integrate into my body. The two months following means I will need to take it really slow and easy so that I don’t re-injure myself and upset the whole point of the surgery. 3 months totally out.

Now that’s all fine and good if I’m back home in New York with family who can take care of me during this time. But what if instead of the doctors in Vienna saying, “You’re fine for now, but you’ll need to schedule surgery” they said, “It’s happening right now because your injury is life-threatening.” I would have had no choice but to stay in Vienna … for the better part of 3 months.

Or, to my wife Elena’s point, what if I was in the middle of the cave in Vietnam when this happened? Do I really want to “not know” where I’ll be when this surgery moves from “optional” to “required” and hope that I have decent enough medical care and support in this part of the world?

Imagining being anywhere in the world when surgery is no longer “optional.”

Yes, my wife is probably right (to the surprise of no one) The smart play here is to go home, get the surgery, and forgo the rest of the trip. No amount of fun, travel and connection is worth the risk of a forced surgery in a random country when this is the farthest thing from my mind and my plans.

And Yet …

I’m curious if there might be some middle ground here to consider. I fully acknowledge that I overdid it. I had stepped-up my weight-lifting routine to balance out the fact that I wasn’t doing martial arts 3-4 times a week anymore. Paddling for several house after a morning of weight-lifting ensured that I had pushed myself beyond my limits. I found my line and went beyond.

The doctors (and more importantly, my body) have been clear. I must give it a rest and slow down significantly. Nobody, but me, is pushing me. So what if I change up my focus to deep relaxation and let go of the drive for more and more exercise? At least, for the time being until I get the surgery?

And even if I’m ultimately headed home, why not finish up this first part of the trip? For example, I could continue on to Manheim, Germany and spend a few recovery days with my friend Iv Jaeger. There, at least I could consider my next steps and build my plan to wrap up and head home.

All Things Being Equal …

Finally, I think that the ideal balance might just be having Elena and Violet meet me in Italy as planned. That way, I finish up the next few weeks in the Netherlands, France and Switzerland, then meet (most of) my family in Italy and spend some quality time in Greece and decide what to do from there.

Worst case scenario, I have to have emergency surgery before then but still in countries known to be excellent in their medical care or during the time I’m in Italy or Greece with Elena and Violet.

Best case scenario, I keep taking it easy and have a wonderful time through Greece and go home with my family after our time together. By then I would have been on the road for four months (about a third) of my planned trip. While that was not what I set out to do, it certainly would be better than leaving now.

Taking It One Day at at Time

One final note before I wrap up here as I give deep gratitude to my program of recovery. I’ve been sober now for 899 days. In the context of this decision that’s relevant because I’ve learned to accept life on life’s terms and take everything one day at a time.

I’ve accepted that I have a hernia and that I must have a surgery that will take me out of commission for three months. I accept that the execution of all planning I’ve done to travel around the world may, in fact, be cut short. And that so much of this is completely out of my hands and control.

Rather than being hijacked by this turn in events, I’ve already accepted it. What I’m playing with is the best way to transition out and return home while maximizing where I am in the world and enjoying whatever time remains.

And I had one more dinner met-up with this fine group of humans in Vienna!

And while I neglected to take any further pictures, I will share that having come to this conclusion, Stefan and I wrapped up our time together in Vienna by throwing a dinner party with this fine group of human beings. Between all the sushi and desserts, we managed to work through many significant topics and enjoy one final evening together.