What does the “perfect day” feel like? For me it’s feeling all my emotions and having the courage to share them. Father’s Day is always a great reminder to do that … especially with all the many fathers I’m privileged to have in my life.

Before I left for my year-long travels, I did a great job of backing up and cleaning out all the files on my MacBook Air that I don’t access very often. That way, I’d have a clean (and speedy) computer from which to write my blog each day. The problem is, my archive of pictures is back in Port Washington, New York, so I need to make do with whatever historical files remain on my computer. Like this one:

*Circa 2017 (nearly a decade ago) with my mom, dad and step-mom*

When I woke up, the first thing I wanted to do today was connect with all the fathers in my life that mean so much to me. I began with my father-in-law, Richard Knies because he’s on the same time zone and my dad is 3 hours behind me (and enjoys sleeping in).

*Connie and Richard Knies: the Man, the myth, the legend!*

Richard Knies continues to be one of my greatest teachers, even at the ripe young age of 94. Richard knies has helped me become a better man, a better father, and a more loving husband. I never miss an opportunity to tell him exactly that. None of us know how long we have on this earth, so telling the people that mean so much to you how much they do, indeed, mean to you is one of my highest priorities.

Richard Knies, along with his wife, Connie Knies (pictured above), is the inspiration behind our best selling book, the Three Rules of Marriage. I owe Richard a debt of gratitude that I can never repay. And as my father‘s mother (Grandma Beth) once shared with me: “When you can’t repay a giant gift bestowed upon you, the only thing you can do in this life is pay it forward.” Which I do my best to accomplish every day.

In the meantime, I love telling my wise mentors how much they continue to shape my life in all the right ways. Which brings me to my father, Bill Carmody Sr.

My dad and I had a deeply enriching and heartfelt conversation, something that I have missed and have been responsible for neglecting. I know I can do a better job of reaching out regularly.

I began with a heartfelt thank you for all he has done for me as my father. He said he felt in some ways that he fell short, and we both agreed that all fathers probably feel that way. I know I do. My dad and I have had many ups and downs over our years together, and ultimately, I am deeply grateful for everything he’s done for me as my dad and I’m so happy he is still in my life. He will be 82 this September.

My dad reflected on the one piece of advice he gave me that he regretted. I had called him when Will was a toddler to ask about spanking. For discipline, my dad had spanked me and I wondered if he felt it was the right decision knowing what he knows now. At the time, he said that spanking is an appropriate form of discipline for children. I was on the fence and unsure of myself and my decision. But the next time I sent Will to his room and he came out multiple times I finally spanked him for the first and only time of his childhood.

I didn’t like it, I instantly regretted it, and my wife Elena also agreed it should never be done again. Shortly thereafter, my dad called and changed his mind saying that hitting is never OK even in the form of spanking. I agreed, and we both confirmed that there’s always alternatives to violence. So even the “bad advice“ turned out to be a beautiful lesson in disguise. Together we explored something important and came to a better understanding. Will and Violet are better for it.

Deep Reflection with Noel

Next, I called my sponsor Noel and wished him a happy Father’s Day. I shared that I can’t believe my world tour is coming to an end this coming Wednesday. It’s been an incredible journey and we both agree. It flew by.

I shared that I’ve lived an entire life in the one year I’ve been traveling the world; that I am a completely different person today than I was a year ago. Perhaps that’s happening all the time, but deliberately documenting each day via this blog has helped me mark the passage of time in some profound ways.

In just one year, I …

Began with my daughter’s suicide attempt, totally flummoxed. As a father, I never saw it coming and I taught mental fitness training for 6 years! I was humbled by how little I knew about the signs of deep depression and trauma.
Was lovingly told by one of my hosts and coach friends that she would be terrified of being my child. What’s there to rebel against when you dad rarely reveals his pain, suffering, anger and shame?
Began to let go of any and all expectations (hidden or explicit) around what traveling the world for a year would be; including how much of it my daughter Violet would be with me.
Met with 184 coach friends who hosted me in their homes, cooked for me, took me out to dinner, allowed me to deliver keynotes live and on zoom, drove me around their part of the world, showed me things I would never see anywhere else in the world and generally showed me what loving kindness looked like globally.
Took Violet skydiving 4,000 meters above Paris, France.
Took Elena and Violet Skywalking and SkyJumping in Auckland, NZ
Took Elena and Violet Parasailing off giant mountains.
Bungee jumped with Violet off the original bridge in Queenstown New Zealand where all commercial bungee jumping began
Ziplined several times and in several countries
Skybiked in Peru
…and I realize I’m recounting the 340+ blog posts rather than what I had intended to do here which is acknowledge all my growth.
As a dad, I spent quality time with both Will and Violet for months on end this year. We explored together. We shared meals together. We watched Chainsaw Man and Re: Zero together. And we had many, many open, raw and real discussions together.

More recently, I shed my armor. The same armor that has been “protecting me” and more recently became a sort of prison creating an unwanted gap. It’s gone. I feel the power and presence of my emotions like never before.

And, to Noel’s point, I’ve got over 3 years of sobriety, but it won’t be until year 5 that I get my marbles back. And could take another 5 after that to really know what to do with those marbles now that I have them.

And I fully surrender to what is. This year has been a journey of my role as a father as much as letting go of what being a father is not.

What I Have Let Go Of Includes …

The illusion that I have any “control” over my kids. They are now young adults and will do what they will. I can influence, but only marginally. They are their own people and our relationship continues to change and evolve from “parent-child” to “friend.”
Any attempt to make life something other than what it is. I’ve learned this is the root cause of all my suffering. Only when I first accept and then love what is, can I be in harmony with life.
The deep drive to “do” anything. My being has taken the wheel of my life. I now trust just being is enough. It’s taken me the first 52 years of my life to get to this point.
What other people think of me … it truly is none of my business. How much of my stress came from worrying about what other people think of me. Letting that one go created a deep sense of inner calm and true freedom.
Thinking my ego … exists(?) After more than 500 days of morning meditation, I now experience my thoughts as just happening on their own. I no longer collapse them at “my thoughts.” By seeing thoughts as just happening, I can resume my role as awareness … experiencing thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they come (and go) with little to no effort on my part.

To All The Dads Out There:

If I could convince you of just ONE thing it would be to know the truth:

You Are Enough!

I mean it. As my dad and I both agreed today, most fathers probably feel they are falling short of their role of being a dad. You’re not. The moment you recognize your own feelings of inadequacy is the very moment you have the power to snap into the authentic version of yourself. Which is, and has always been … ENOUGH!

It’s the lie that you’re supposed to be something other than what you are that’s so exhausting. Let. It. Go!

You’re doing your best. When you see an area in your life where you could do better, don’t allow your thoughts to beat you up. Instead, see what’s really happening here. You’re being invited to step-up and improve … just a little. Perfection is an illusion. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” father. Ask any kid what they want from you and their answer is universally identical:

More Time With You. Period.

Even as your teenage children distance themselves from you, notice how they are much like a cat that just “happens” to be in the same room as you … like all the time. When they go into their rooms and shut their doors, know this isn’t to shut you out. They are confused about how to be and are working on themselves … often with friends who are just as confused as they are.

Knock on that door. Invite them back in with you. Believe or not, you are one of the most important people in their lives. Just because they don’t know how to express or say that doesn’t make it any less true. You’re the adult, so make the first move. They may say no and push you away, but don’t be deterred. Deep down they know they need you in their life. Keep making the effort. They want you. They need you. You’re the only father they have. Be there for them in all your less-than-perfect glory.

That’s one of the things they love about you. The things you like least about yourself are great examples and warnings for your kids. You’re giving them a much needed opening to “be better” in some small, but significant way. Great! Embrace that. After all, isn’t that all you’ve ever wanted for them? Specifically, that they learn from your mistakes, make their own mistakes and somehow have an even better life than you?

Go Hug Your Kids!

Enough reading. Close the laptop and go be with your kids. That’s what they want most from you on Father’s Day. Just being with you is and has always been enough.

With loving kindness, my heart is with you today and every day. Thank you for being a dad. The world needs more incredible dads like you.

Happy Father’s Day from Santiago, Chile (June 21, 2026)