Meditation Day 3: Mental Models and Thoughts (August 5, 2025)
Even if I “know” you, I don’t really know the real you. You are a mental construct in my mind. The same goes for me. I am not the Bill Carmody you think you know. You have created a mental model of the person known as Bill Carmody. When I act in accordance with the mental model you have constructed in your mind, everything appears “normal.” But if I say or do something that is outside the mental model you have constructed for me, you’ll say that something is “off” or “not quite right” with Bill.
And so it goes with everything. The world is not as I see it. My reality is just that — mine. I’m not looking at a computer as I write this post, I’m looking through all my interpretations of what a computer is and bring that to my looking. I see with my own filter just as each person sees and experiences reality through their own filters. In other words:
I don’t see the world as it is. I see the world as I am.
Understanding my own mental models has been extremely helpful this week. I see reality as I am, not reality as it truly is. When I truly grasp this concept it makes everything easier. I need not change anyone or anything (even if I could). I simply must recognize how I hold all of it in my mind. I first got a glimpe of this through Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is and in particular her simple questions that she used to help so many people (including me) see things as they are, not as we wish them to be. As a refresher, Byron Katie asks:
"Is it true?", "Can you absolutely know it's true?", "How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?", and "Who would you be without the thought?".
These questions are great reminders for me to remember my own mental models. When I experience frustration or overwhelm with my meditation practice, it’s a great reminder that somehow I’ve set an expectation of how my meditation practice is “supposed to be” rather than accepting it exactly as it is.
When I pause and reflect, I can simply ask myself, “Is it true that my meditation practice is supposed to be like [whatever I think it’s supposed to be like]?” And of course, I can not absolutely know that this is true. I see my reactions when I believe that my meditation practice is supposed to be a certain way — when I believe the expectation I have arbitrarily set for myself and my practice. And realize who I would be without this thought would be a happy and content person simply practicing meditation (without judgement nor expectation). Sounds a lot more peaceful, doesn’t it?
Exploring My Mental Models
While none of this is going to have a profound shift in my practice “over night,” by continuing to explore my own mental models, I can continue to explore how I’m holding people, places and things. In other words, the very circumstances that, in the past, have had some influence over my own inner peace.
Unconditional inner peace is when I accept everything as it is. Or, more accurately, when I realize that I am pure awareness; that all I have is my moment-to-moment experience. When I can see my thoughts for what they are and own my own mental models of the world as I have created it in my mind, what’s left is pure awareness in my moment-to-moment experience. That’s the ultimate in being present. Nothing pulling me into regrets of the past or anxiety about the future. Letting go of all that means I can be fully present and accept what is happening right in front of me “as is” instead of how I want it to be.
it’s one thing to say all of this, and another thing entirely to live this with direct observation rather than an intellectual understanding. That’s what I’m doing this week. By taking a pause, slowing down and practicing (deeply) my meditation, I can begin to explore these mental models and how I’m holding people. places and things in my life.
What ever has the power to disturb my inner peace is simply a mental model I have constructed; an expectation of how things should be rather than a true acceptance of how things actually are.
And, of course, I can only work with what comes up and explore it as it happens. The more challenging and aggravating,, the more opportunity I have to explore the gap between my mental model and “what is.”
Thoughts About Thoughts
I have come to understand that my thoughts are a 6th sense. After sight, sound, smell, taste and touch, I have come to understand as thoughts being another sense that is just happening in the background — always and without end.
When I first began my meditation practice, I had this idea that the goal was to be “free of thoughts”, but it turns out that this is nearly impossible and, even if it were possible, it’s not Loving What Is from the Byron Katie perspective. Forcing one of my sense to conform to my wishes is both exhausting and ultimately pointless. Even if I were able to achieve it, it would be temporary and fleeting.
Instead, when I close my eyes, I imagine my thoughts like movies on a screen. My job is to notice as soon as they arise in me and not get sucked into the screen itself. Consider when you are day dreaming. You have the capacity to close your eyes and day dream for as little or as long as you wish. At some point, however, you recognize that you are, in fact, day dreaming and so the experience changes. You’re no longer “lost” in the daydream but instead are fully aware that it’s “just” a daydream — it’s not real.
The speed at which I can recognize my thoughts as thoughts is a skill I have been developing. Like a young child first learning to ride her bike without training wheels, I fully expect to fall off my proverbial bike — again and again and again. It’s not how many times I fall that matter, but how may times I get back up. In this case, it matters now how many times I get lost in my thoughts, but rather how many times I recognize this and start again.
The speed at which I am able to recognize my thoughts is increasing. With this deep practice this week I’m noticing a further increase. This is my skill development. It’s foundational to everything else I’m meant to do in my meditation. I have used many analogies to help me improve including:
Video Game “Boop” - Micky has had me imagine I’m playing a video game with my thoughts and each time a thought arises, I “boop” the thought much like popping a ballon so that it fades and goes away. I don’t “score” and receive points for being swept into a thought. I simply get out of it and try again — repeat until I can regularly boop my thoughts every 2-3 seconds (or as fast as they appear in my brain).
Cat & Mouse - I imagine that I am a cat and each thought is like a mouse appearing on the floor. I attempt to notice where the thought came from in my mind. Either way, I pounce on the thought before the thought pulls me into it. Sometimes the mouse wins and that’s okay. Keep coming back and resetting with the next thought.
Waterfall of Thoughts - Other times I imagine my thoughts as a waterfall. When I stand directly under the waterfall, my thoughts keep pummelling me until one of them gets through and I’m swept into the river of my thoughts no longer standing up to them. When I’m really focused, I can stand BEHIND the waterfall and just observe the thoughts coming.
Ocean Wave of Thoughts - Recently (as in this week), Micky introduced another analogy for my training benefit. Imagine all my thoughts as the collective ocean of my mind. Each thought is a wave, but it’s impossible to see where the wave begins or ends. As I examine the ocean of all my thoughts, I can observe individual thoughts without falling into the ocean. When I do fall in, I recognize that I’m “in the ocean of my thoughts” and reset so that I’m out of the water and observing all the waves of thoughts.
No one analogy is better than another. They are all tools of my practice and I use them to see how best to notice my thoughts and stay mindful and not slip into an individual thought. That’s a very important skill I’m developing. And I notice I have an expectation of “how long this should take” which I get to work on and let go of so that I can enjoy the practice and love it exactly as it is, not as I wish it to be. (See, I’m teachable).
